SHIPMATE
Spring 2019
Crossed the Bar
Ruth Patterson October 2018
Mike Nicholson April 2018
Peter Ridler Not known
Bill Evans Not known
Norman Burtenshaw Not known.
WE WIll REMEMBER THEM
Editors Report
It's time again for me to put one finger of each hand to the keyboard to try and fill you all with info from the last Reunion, some funnies and a possible passage on the rise from JREM2 to CPOWEA(ADCEW) and stops along the way.
I will start with our last reunion in Pompey. You will see by the AGM report the attendance was low but the social side was helped by the 'Greenies' joining in with us.
We had a sad duty to remember Ruth Patterson who Crossed late last year. She was a lovely woman from the North East and helped with the reunions as she could. Dennis is putting on a brave face as you would expect, but she will be missed by all, especially the wives.
Speaking of Dennis, he has decided to pass on his position of Treasurer which has been taken up by Peter Lacey. (see AGM minutes)
As usual the hotel - Royal Beach Southsea - was good value with an excellent kitchen and a ticket for reduced price drinks. We attended St. Annes Church on the Sunday morning. The security is done by private security personnel now with MOD plod somewhere behind. It is a 3 act play to get in!!! As you can guess as our coach party fits the profile of ISIS (??????) terrorists it took some time. We went up to Fort Nelson after that on top of Portsdown Hill. It is now part of the Imperial War Museum concern and this is dedicated to heavy weapons. It was ok with quite a lot to see and also FREE!
Marriage Humour
Pest Control
A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. 'Who are you?' he asked him.
'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.
'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked.
'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied.
'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards! '
-------------------------------------------------
Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mum: 'Well, you did the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on Daddy's lap.'
Marriage Humour
Brothel Trip
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
'I'm 90 years old,' he says.
'90?' replies the woman. 'Don't you realise that you've had it?'
'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stress Reliever
Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well, that's because we aren't married yet.'
==========================================================================================================
Age can be a cruel thing. My panthers head is like a snake!!!!
D-Day remembrance is 75 years this year.Lets hope our French allies also remember
Subject : Fwd: Don't Forget Your History!
Ever wondered what happens when you forget history, or are nationally arrogant?
JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when DeGaulle decided to pull out of NATO.
DeGaulle said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible.
Rusk responded "Does that include those who are buried here?"
You could have heard a pin drop
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American.
During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done?
He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intend to do, bomb them?'
A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly:
'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply
Emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day.
They can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in
transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?'
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
A Royal Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French
Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those
countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas
Europeans learn many languages, the English learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'
Without hesitating, the British Admiral replied,
'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's, South Africans, and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE...
Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.
At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate
his passport in his carry on.
"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The Englishman said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. You English always have to show passports on arrival in France!"
The English senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained,
''Well, when I came ashore at Gold Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a
passport to."
You could have heard a pin drop.
==========================================================================================================
Subject : Fwd: Don't Forget Your History!
Ever wondered what happens when you forget history, or are nationally arrogant?
JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when DeGaulle decided to pull out of NATO.
DeGaulle said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible.
Rusk responded "Does that include those who are buried here?"
You could have heard a pin drop
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American.
During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done?
He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intend to do, bomb them?'
A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly:
'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply
Emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day.
They can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in
transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?'
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
A Royal Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French
Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those
countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas
Europeans learn many languages, the English learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'
Without hesitating, the British Admiral replied,
'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's, South Africans, and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE...
Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.
At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate
his passport in his carry on.
"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The Englishman said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. You English always have to show passports on arrival in France!"
The English senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained,
''Well, when I came ashore at Gold Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a
passport to."
You could have heard a pin drop.
==========================================================================================================
More Association info.
I am having some problems with both my computers resulting in one being scrapped and using a Chromebook from my grandson. He, unfortunately, doesn't come with it!
This may not matter so much on the website but I am having problems with the printed version.
This said I will try and put some of the documents sent by Peter L in later.
We have a "Thank you letter" from the Blind Veterans UK for the donation sent from the raffle etc. This is one I'm having difficulty with as Oliver (grandson) lives in Manchester. I'll get there.
We also where having a re-think as to the location of our Reunions. We previously mooted it being in the same location each year but asking the meeting and IoW travel having booking problems we may need to move again. Please could you write, email or get in touch with any committee member to let them know your preferences. Although addresses may have changed they are all up to date on the site and I'll include a list on the printed version.
Please check the 'Flash signal' header for any updates. There shouldn't be many as we don't receive much in the way of info and I use the items I receive from friends etc. I suppose I should apologize for not being too p.c. but having spent 25 years not being, I refuse to break the habit.
I don't know if any of you have watched these programs on the RN on tv, if so what is your opinion?
Don has mentioned talking to the serving hierarchy as too if they would like to join the Association to which the reply was -'I don't think so'. When we joined it was messdeck - division - ship - squadron - Navy.
Now it is a job. On those programs did anybody spot a CPO/PO apart from the Jossman - because I didn't. The coxsun on the Ocean (?) was/is a leading seaman. We are told that the average rating wants to do a job, get paid and spend it on nights out or go home to his girlfriend - or nowadays boyfriend. I assume the puchase of drugs is still frowned upon but they appear to use it at their leisure. You can tell the female ratings as they are more butch and swear better than the men!!!! Am I losing it?
Complaints department now closed
=============================================================================.
I am having some problems with both my computers resulting in one being scrapped and using a Chromebook from my grandson. He, unfortunately, doesn't come with it!
This may not matter so much on the website but I am having problems with the printed version.
This said I will try and put some of the documents sent by Peter L in later.
We have a "Thank you letter" from the Blind Veterans UK for the donation sent from the raffle etc. This is one I'm having difficulty with as Oliver (grandson) lives in Manchester. I'll get there.
We also where having a re-think as to the location of our Reunions. We previously mooted it being in the same location each year but asking the meeting and IoW travel having booking problems we may need to move again. Please could you write, email or get in touch with any committee member to let them know your preferences. Although addresses may have changed they are all up to date on the site and I'll include a list on the printed version.
Please check the 'Flash signal' header for any updates. There shouldn't be many as we don't receive much in the way of info and I use the items I receive from friends etc. I suppose I should apologize for not being too p.c. but having spent 25 years not being, I refuse to break the habit.
I don't know if any of you have watched these programs on the RN on tv, if so what is your opinion?
Don has mentioned talking to the serving hierarchy as too if they would like to join the Association to which the reply was -'I don't think so'. When we joined it was messdeck - division - ship - squadron - Navy.
Now it is a job. On those programs did anybody spot a CPO/PO apart from the Jossman - because I didn't. The coxsun on the Ocean (?) was/is a leading seaman. We are told that the average rating wants to do a job, get paid and spend it on nights out or go home to his girlfriend - or nowadays boyfriend. I assume the puchase of drugs is still frowned upon but they appear to use it at their leisure. You can tell the female ratings as they are more butch and swear better than the men!!!! Am I losing it?
Complaints department now closed
=============================================================================.
STORY TIME
I returned from the Far East in 1967 and was drafted to HMS Cochrane at Rosyth as FMG.
During this time I was 'loned' to HMS Montrose as the REM for a couple of months. The Montrose
was the RNR 'sweeper out of Dundee and I stayed at Condor overnight. Here I met up with a stocker
I new, Ginge Ewan, from the Triumph. We went to the dockyard and on board our sweeper. Here I met
'Ben' Lyon the PO Chef from Condor. The crew weren't due on board until the evening and we were to
sail at midnight for Newhaven. I found this was to enable the crew to get their sealegs ie a pint of heavy
and a dram - or 2 - or 6. Ginge introduced me to most of them in the local and then we went back.
I wanted to meet their 'greenie' and find what he wanted me to do. The QM greeted me and sent me to
the Wardroom. It was in full swing with all the officers and their wives/girlfriends getting rid of the Duty
Frees. It was here I found that I was on my own as the normal guy had had an argument and left.
So I decided I'd do Sea Checks on my own. I checked radar, depth sounder, navigator and got Ginge
to help with the 'generation game'. Boy did I need help. It was some time before I had to handle shore
supplies and take a ship to sea. It seems easy now but stood in the engine room then - not so good.
We got every thing started and I went to the mess to get my head down. A leading seaman came and
asked if I was 'Berrrkitt' (it's ok mummy was a jock) I said yes and won the middle on the wheel. This
was probably best as I was one of the few sober ones. The telegraph operator had his sherry carryoot
and was still supping it. Once out of harbour and in the North Sea it was ok, even I could avoid any objects.
We proceeded south and met up with the Kilicrankie (Edinburgh) and the Northumbria (Newcastle).
On arrival in Newhaven we tied-up alongside each other and I found my saviour was on board the
Northumbria. His name was Matt Stoves and we new each other previously from Collingwood and
since. He showed me around the 'heavy L' side and a few more 'tricks' to keep the ship afloat.
I need to break my story to say that there is a member called Matthew Stoves living in Edinburgh.
If he reads this or someone reads it to him ( he is a Geordie after all) I would love to get in touch.
We could maybe finish posting the mail!!!! Now he really will know.
Back to Newhaven. We day ran from there laying lanes to sweep, and one morning the skipper wanted
to know if I'd ever heard of a ship called Brave Boarderer, I said yes and he good as it was to 'attack'
us during our task. I told him if we were streaming a sweep we would hear it but probably not see it.
He smiled and put someone on the oerlikon, Not long after he did say "What was that?" to be informed
that the Brave had just attacked. It pulled out from behind a tanker and came up near.
We completed our Newhaven visit and went over the Channel to France.We went up the Loire to Nantes.
We tied up in the old town and got ready for the Wardroom cocktail party. This was a reasonable size
as all three sweepers were involved. It went well with a quantity of booze finding its way below decks.
To finish the story the mail needed to go and two volunteers got the job. A few beers/drinks (I still like Pernod) later
the post office was closed and didn't want to open.We then decided to 'post' them through the letter box. The staff
then opened for us. That was us. We sailed back to Pompey and I went back to Cochrane and the Montrose got an
RNR greenie.
=============================================================================================
I returned from the Far East in 1967 and was drafted to HMS Cochrane at Rosyth as FMG.
During this time I was 'loned' to HMS Montrose as the REM for a couple of months. The Montrose
was the RNR 'sweeper out of Dundee and I stayed at Condor overnight. Here I met up with a stocker
I new, Ginge Ewan, from the Triumph. We went to the dockyard and on board our sweeper. Here I met
'Ben' Lyon the PO Chef from Condor. The crew weren't due on board until the evening and we were to
sail at midnight for Newhaven. I found this was to enable the crew to get their sealegs ie a pint of heavy
and a dram - or 2 - or 6. Ginge introduced me to most of them in the local and then we went back.
I wanted to meet their 'greenie' and find what he wanted me to do. The QM greeted me and sent me to
the Wardroom. It was in full swing with all the officers and their wives/girlfriends getting rid of the Duty
Frees. It was here I found that I was on my own as the normal guy had had an argument and left.
So I decided I'd do Sea Checks on my own. I checked radar, depth sounder, navigator and got Ginge
to help with the 'generation game'. Boy did I need help. It was some time before I had to handle shore
supplies and take a ship to sea. It seems easy now but stood in the engine room then - not so good.
We got every thing started and I went to the mess to get my head down. A leading seaman came and
asked if I was 'Berrrkitt' (it's ok mummy was a jock) I said yes and won the middle on the wheel. This
was probably best as I was one of the few sober ones. The telegraph operator had his sherry carryoot
and was still supping it. Once out of harbour and in the North Sea it was ok, even I could avoid any objects.
We proceeded south and met up with the Kilicrankie (Edinburgh) and the Northumbria (Newcastle).
On arrival in Newhaven we tied-up alongside each other and I found my saviour was on board the
Northumbria. His name was Matt Stoves and we new each other previously from Collingwood and
since. He showed me around the 'heavy L' side and a few more 'tricks' to keep the ship afloat.
I need to break my story to say that there is a member called Matthew Stoves living in Edinburgh.
If he reads this or someone reads it to him ( he is a Geordie after all) I would love to get in touch.
We could maybe finish posting the mail!!!! Now he really will know.
Back to Newhaven. We day ran from there laying lanes to sweep, and one morning the skipper wanted
to know if I'd ever heard of a ship called Brave Boarderer, I said yes and he good as it was to 'attack'
us during our task. I told him if we were streaming a sweep we would hear it but probably not see it.
He smiled and put someone on the oerlikon, Not long after he did say "What was that?" to be informed
that the Brave had just attacked. It pulled out from behind a tanker and came up near.
We completed our Newhaven visit and went over the Channel to France.We went up the Loire to Nantes.
We tied up in the old town and got ready for the Wardroom cocktail party. This was a reasonable size
as all three sweepers were involved. It went well with a quantity of booze finding its way below decks.
To finish the story the mail needed to go and two volunteers got the job. A few beers/drinks (I still like Pernod) later
the post office was closed and didn't want to open.We then decided to 'post' them through the letter box. The staff
then opened for us. That was us. We sailed back to Pompey and I went back to Cochrane and the Montrose got an
RNR greenie.
=============================================================================================
Sometimes humour comes in a coarse way- but its still funny.
You know, people complain about the RCMP, (Royal Canadian Mounted Police), But you rarely hear about the positive things that they do,such as this one:
Frozen Carburetor Incident:
In the fun world of the administration of justice, not all the laughs are in the courtroom. Indeed, giggles and guffaws can erupt at almost any time or place. For example, on a bitterly cold winter's day several weeks ago in Northern British Columbia, a RCMP constable on patrol came across a motorcyclist, who was swathed in protective clothing and helmet, stalled by the roadside.
"What's the matter?" asked the Policeman.
"Carburetor's frozen," was the terse reply.
"Piss on it. That'll thaw it out."
"I can't." said the biker.
"OK, watch me closely and I'll show you." The constable promptly warmed the carburetor as promised. The bike started and the rider drove off, waving.
A few days later, the detachment office received a note of thanks from the father of the motorbike rider.
It began: "On behalf of my daughter Jill....."
=============================================================================
You know, people complain about the RCMP, (Royal Canadian Mounted Police), But you rarely hear about the positive things that they do,such as this one:
Frozen Carburetor Incident:
In the fun world of the administration of justice, not all the laughs are in the courtroom. Indeed, giggles and guffaws can erupt at almost any time or place. For example, on a bitterly cold winter's day several weeks ago in Northern British Columbia, a RCMP constable on patrol came across a motorcyclist, who was swathed in protective clothing and helmet, stalled by the roadside.
"What's the matter?" asked the Policeman.
"Carburetor's frozen," was the terse reply.
"Piss on it. That'll thaw it out."
"I can't." said the biker.
"OK, watch me closely and I'll show you." The constable promptly warmed the carburetor as promised. The bike started and the rider drove off, waving.
A few days later, the detachment office received a note of thanks from the father of the motorbike rider.
It began: "On behalf of my daughter Jill....."
=============================================================================
I have always been fascinated by trivia and I thought you might be interested in this bit of trivia as well.
Where did the Texas Longhorn logo idea come from
Where did the Texas Longhorn logo idea come from
My duty is to teach you something new every day. Job done.
Well Shipmates that's it for this edition. Ending on a bum note (get it?) and all I have to do now is make a printed version. It is half term and these grandkids are about to earn the money we give them.
Take care and remember to send dits etc.
Yours Aye
Roger.
